You Are Beautiful

by Mesita

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*edits to this album:

•my sister's wedding was oct 3 not the 10th the 10th is when i got flown out
•denver was the 8 seed
•james connor won me my week in fantasy


released September 30, 2019


all rights reserved



Mesita Brooklyn, New York

Mesita is James Cooley, music from Colorado. Since 2008

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Track Name: Aids
what have i got to sing about
got a doctors appointment tomorrow
it's at a center that specializes in aids
although thank god i'm hiv negative
it's kind of funny that's all roped in
to how i want to love someone
if i want to love someone you gotta get tested
you gotta make sure you're clean
that's kinda funny
i'm on lexapro and truvada
i go around new york looking for people
to stretch my ass
but i'm not ashamed
feels really good
but then again it doesn't make me happy
i'm a fucking wreck
i don't know what to do with myself
i've not been outside for quite sometime
except to walk to the store to buy beer
i've not been to manhattan in a while
except to go to the doctor's office
Track Name: Kushina
i watched an episode of naruto today
where he meets his mom for the first time
and it broke my heart
and i hope to meet my mom like that someday

i think i've found myself again
found myself again
i think i've found myself again
found myself again

and i'm kind of a dick
yelling at indigenous poets on twitter
i don't give a shit
they cheated on me when my mom was in the hospital for cancer
i don't give a shit go fuck yourself
when the leaves change
and they all fall down
it just brings another change
Track Name: Recycling
people picking up bottles across the street
just another bed stuy monday
big daddy kane's bed stuy block is not my block
it's big daddy kane's
i was going to go to ikea to buy a window shade
cuz this time of year the sun changes it's direction
and the sun comes in my window and it wakes me up and blinds me
i don't really like that cuz it really is fucking bright

i'm so glad i bought this microphone
it sounds so good
i was worried about paying like 400 bucks
when i can't even afford my rent
but i bought it a year ago
when i still had my mom's life insurance
i recorded littleton
i put my fucking heart into it
and then nobody listened to it

it's a brake squeak
gotta check your brakes
Track Name: Therapy
i'm afraid to get my tests done tomorrow
i'm afraid they're gonna tell me i drink too much
they've been trying to get me into therapy
but they've got me on lexapro which seems to be working fine
i'm worrying all my family
dad i still love you forever and always
the night the nypd came to my house
i think they said the littleton police
never got a text or anything
but i still love you
my sister said you didn't even know what happened
and probably still don't because i haven't talked to you in
quite a long time

my mom is gone
my mom is gone
my mom is gone
my mom is gone

she didn't want me to ever talk about her experience
the worst fucking experience in the world
but she kept strong thru it and held her grave
man she was the best
we used to go hiking
and then at the end of the hiking
we would drink jamba juice
at the place right next to blockbuster

mom is gone
oh mom is gone
oh mom is gone

i almost knocked my tv over
Track Name: Denver
new york is my home
new york is my home
new york is my home

never felt comfortable in denver
because i grew up in littleton
i was hiding under a desk
the day columbine happened
dave sanders rest in peace dave sanders
supposedly a reporter was trying to
crawl thru the window of his daughter's
when my sister and mom were there
that's some crazy shit
what the fuck is up with the news

my sister was class president and helped usher in the students
my grandparents paid for a trip for us to go to germany
we went to germany with them stayed in weißenfels
and the whole time it's like people there knew what littleton was
but it's such an unspectacular place
i moved to austin
i went to alamo drafthouse and torchy's tacos
and i came back home
and then alamo drafthouse built one in littleton
i was like what
it was so strange
it was so strange
i saw mad max there
for my friend's wedding
it was a bachelor party

it was mad max
i didn't really like that movie
but my friends were really liked it
and the more i thought about it
i thought how it really was just a
big long car chase that never stopped
and never let up
and that's actually super impressives
so now i think better of that movie

i'm never gonna be able to perform these songs live
cause there's too many lyrics and i won't be able
but i don't ever play live so that doesn't really matter does it

i hope ikea stays open i need to get my window blinds
window window blinds
i was gonna talk about why i like new york
i'll talk about it on the next song
here we go
Track Name: Local
new york city is a amazing place
that's rapidly changing
i feel ashamed to live in bed stuy
and kind of be part of the gentrification problem
but i try to say hi to all my neighbors and we get along
our groundskeeper guy is really cool
he's an army vet
he got kicked out of a spa for smoking marijuana in it
and i'm like dude you're the best
shout out tj

manhattan's been kind of crazy
i kind of don't enjoy it anymore
so i feel like a real new yorker
complaining about the changes
i hate when i'm walking down the sidewalk
and they're walking five in a row five wide
and walking really slowly it's like dude
it's treat it like a traffic
paradestrians (?) can really suck my ass
new york pedestrians suck my ass
suck my fucking ass
but not literally just move over a little bit so i can get by
but then they don't

i used to go to the lower east side
that was my favorite
but now all the places that i loved are gone
and now i'm kind of pissed off
what happened to sunshine cinema
what happened to local 138
i was in there the night the bartender learned
that her job was gonna get messed up
because they were gonna try and sell the bar
it was this drunk guy that walked in from a show
and i was sitting alone at the bar because i'm a lonely asshole
and he was rambling drunk which i know nothing about
and he started saying things about
how the owner was gonna sell the bar
and she's like i hadn't heard about that before
and he's like oh shit
and everybody was silent around like dammit

car horns car horns
wolfy says he loves you all
wolfy's my stuffed animal
the day my mom found the chemo wasn't gon-
oh that's gonna be depressing, i'm sorry
the day my mom found out the chemo wasn't gonna work
she just kinda went upstairs and cried
and i didn't know what to do
so i brought her wolfy and i said "hey wolfy loves you!"
and i brought it to her
and she smiled
i think it lit her day up
that's all i tried to do

my sister andrea was the nurse
she was the best
i love you andrea and heather as well
but heather had a kid, they both pulled their fair share
and we somehow got thru it together
even though there's a gaping hole that will never leave
but i guess that's what's called life

wow that's deep
Track Name: Blogs
making a song for anthony fantano
hey what's up
back in 2010 i was sending out my music to blogs
and i sent my music to his
he was a super blog small blog at the time
and i wanted to send him my music
i sent him my song living breathing
and he posted it
then he started doing videos
and i was like that's kinda weird like stick to blogging dude
blogging is the jam like
no one was trying to get into videos
but he was forward thinking and he started making videos
i've never been on one of anthony fantano's videos
he's covered so many of my songs tho
i don't think he likes me though
i think he feels an obligation cuz he's like hey that guy's alright
but i'm also a dick
he knows that i'm obnoxious as shit

ooh anthony fantano
anthony fantano
anthony fantano

i don't want this guy to get immortalized in a song but larry fitzgerald
i mean larry fitzmaurice
sent me an email from pitchfork saying passing thanks
i never got my music on pitchfork
cuz i think they fucking shit
i hate pitchfork
i hate stereogum
i hate a lot of other things but i try not to let the negativity
eat me alive
i know i'm talented and hey isn't that enough
no it isn't cuz when you're trying to pay rent
and all these assholes are only covering bands
that they're friends with
it really fucking sucks

that's why i respect anthony fantano
i think he kind of leaves that out
except for brockhampton
i think he's trying to be friends with brockhampton
anthony fantano yr on my eighth album congratulations dude
you're like the biggest music critic in the world
of course i'm going to put you on my album
i need to go to ikea to buy blinds
Track Name: Fall
i don't know what to call this album
my career up to this point has been a completely train wreck
then i started making random songs for people on twitter
i've never gotten this much respect
and it feels kinda weird i don't think i deserve it
why couldn't i had been signed to a label in 2009

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